just a thought

All i seem to write about is myself. which i suppose makes sense, it's what's most relevant to me. i think i write about my thoughts and my emotions, etc because it makes it easier to analyze them when they're in black and white..i don't know that it helps. i still feel just as confused about everything...maybe it just keeps me from going insane. maybe it makes me feel more tangible. a somewhat silly observation, but it's true. too often i feel like the world is spinning around me so fast that i can't see where i'm going. maybe i need to write to ground myself, find the walls and the doors, to find where my foot goes next so as to keep walking in a straight line. too often i sit down to write and hope to come up with something profound. it doesn't happen very often, and i seldom notice when it does.
so, how did i get here, to this place in my life, in my head? i can remember a lot of my life, i can go back and read all that i've written and try to make sense of it, try to make out the paths that i took that got me to this house, this computer, these people, this mind. but for some reason, it still doesn't seem all that clear. it's like going through a photo album trying to figure out what the people are thinking, or how they're feeling or what they're doing with their lives. it's not easy. but, first cliche of the day, life isn't supposed to be easy, is it. we're supposed to struggle our way through life so as to experience as much of the good and the bad as we can. i think there's a lot to be said about how our parents did as to how we've turned out.. but also, we can't ignore genetics. nature vs. nurture, an age old debate. i can't believe that just one could be resposible for who we are...
maybe we're solely responsible for how we turn out...i don't think i can believe that either actually.
so the mind, some say, is merely a direct result of evolution, something that developed in human beings over centuries, millenia. designed to cope with our ever growing brain capacity. so that we can deal with emotions, which are a result of chemical reactions in our brains, which are also a coping mechanism. if we approach the world with a pessamistic, scientific, skeptic outlook, we will see a completely different world...we like to believe in gods and faeries and ghosts and love and faith and beauty. it makes us feel better about our world. it makes the hardships, the pain and the despair and the devestation seem bareable.
is that why we believe? do we truly just believe in these romantic notions just to make the world seem like an easier place to live in? that makes us sound like rather ridiculous creatures..i wonder if dolphins believe in love...