maddening

my body still functions..so i feed it...i can breathe. i can see. i can smell, taste, and feel...but for some reason, i feel like i'm dying. i can't figure out any reason to get out of bed, which is ridiculous...i know this. but without a job, without money, without any kind of purpose, i feel like i'm starting to decay prematurely. it's maddening. but i'm not sure what to do about it. i'm not looking forward to anything...there's nothing to look forward to when you can't afford it..i suppose i only believe myself when i say it's only money when i have some..or at least some illusion of some. i know i really shouldn't be complaining. i can get a job, there just aren't any on the island, which means i have to move or something in order to make money, but moving takes money..catch 22..and again, i'm house sitting for my folks until the middle of december, which is a blessing and a curse, blessing for obvious reasons, a free roof over my head, but curse because the location of said roof might not be the most beneficial...................i'm going crazy on my own with nothing to do.... i need to do something...i just have no idea what..