D is for Dragonfly

A secret
silent dead inside me
Discontect my soul.
It's an
anatomic atom mimic
pushing through
my exosphere.
macrocosmic,
magic comics
swirling, dancing
making sounds.
in little minutes,
moments, mine.
I'm finding answers
no nescience now.
Supernova mind control,
Introverted
powdered snow.
Lucid dreams
inside illusions
hallucigenics
lecture me.
Insecticides
Inside me, tides
are ebbing, flowing
up and down.
A pyro, chiro
break my spine
inside tonight
you're mine,
you're mine...

The sound of your voice..?

I'm empty
I'm aching,
I'm falling into pieces,
I'm hurting
I'm crying,
I thought you were my jesus

You held me so close
I felt so safe in your arms
You wiped my tears
And made me smile,
I love the sound of your voice
And the taste of your mouth
And when your body was close to mine

I long, to see you
And touch you tonight
I want to have you
And love you
I have to make it right

You held me so close
I felt so safe in your arms
You wiped my tears
And made me smile,
I love the sound of your voice
And the taste of your mouth
And when your body was close to mine

But now I'm growing
And learning,
I'm happy on my own
You're not everything
I need to live
I'm now happy to be alone.

I was empty
And aching,
And falling apart
But now I’m happy,
And ready
To make another start

You held me so close
I felt so safe in your arms
You wiped my tears
And made me smile,
I loved the sound of your voice
And the taste of your mouth
But now my body is totally mine.

You held me so close
I felt so safe in your arms
You wiped my tears
And made me smile
I loved the sound of your voice
And the taste of your mouth
But now my body is totally mine.

******

a moment of rather irrelevant inspiration...

angel eyes

2004.08.30 18.53


you look at me
your angel eyes
you laugh at me
you sympathyze
forever lost inside your mind
beneath your lips
there's no disguise
no level thoughts to cradle you
no where to hide
not much to do
there's nothing left
they all went home
they didn't see
they left alone
and after all there's only trance
to keep us sane
without a chance
to keep our minds from dying out
we cannot breathe
we shall not shout
if only we could give up fear
and live up in the stratosphere
protecting fools
on little strings
like puppets
unlike anything
we musn't fade the night to black
we musn't die
we will come back
and after all there's only trance
we're all that's left
our mindless rants...

7 blunders

"Seven Blunders of the World"


1. Wealth without work

2. Pleasure without conscience

3. Knowledge without character

4. Commerce without morality

5. Science without humanity

6. Worship without sacrifice

7. Politics without principle


—Mahatma Gandhi

Unbroken

Unbroken

A distant world
of constant lies,
of tears and torture,
broken ties;
A cloudless morning
full of dew,
I feel so empty
without you.
your eyes are madness
pain, regret,
you're in my soul,
I can't forget;
You're in the sun,
you are my moon,
you're in my head,
an endless tune.

A perfect circle,
mobius ring,
I'm disconnected
from everything.
You were my compass,
I found my way,
But now I'm lost,
and lead astray.
Inside myself
I've got to find,
the path I followed
and left behind.
My head is spinning,
a constant blur,
perfected chaos,
an endless whir.

But here I am,
I've much to do,
I will not hide
and I cannot rue;
So on I go,
and I will stand,
and I will live,
my feet will land,
I'm tired, angry,
happy, sad,
I've got to take
the good and bad;
I have myself,
I have my soul,
I have my heart,
I've played my role.

And so, I'll be
contented now,
to finding love,
and learning how.

so, i have loads of really amazing friends. i'm extremely lucky to have the friends i do. and yet i'm unreasonably upset about losing an friendly aquaintance that i barely knew. our entire friendly aquaintanceship (word?) was pretty much just sex. and now that it's been broken off in an altogether far to unceremonious manner, i'm absolutely gutted. i feel heart broken. i'm genuinely hurt, but i don't really think i should be. and now i don't know how to feel about it. i'm really confused, and extremely fucked off because i'm so confused about something so stupid. god i hate being female sometimes... i really really hate these hormones, these feelings, these thoughts...
i'm going crazy!

i feel numb today for some reason..
i woke a little after eight this morning, then i stayed in bed and read the last hundred or so pages of the book i was reading. it made me cry.
but now i feel like i cried for me, which is silly, i have no reason to cry. aside, maybe, from the fact that i'm hungry, but even then i can't complain because it was my decision to stay in bed and not go out and get food...
i don't want to be in asia any more. i'm tired. i'm sick. i'm lonely. i miss all the people that make my life better..
i'm not complaining, i mean not to anyway. i'm just tired, and i want to see my family, i can't wait till christmas, i don't really know what to do here, and so i think it might be, not a waste, but maybe not the best use of my time...
i think when i get back to nz, i'm going to get all my pics onto my computer, and make all my albums and...just get everything sorted...and maybe lay on a beach for a few days, before i go home....
i'm still very hungry, like an idiot i had 6 cigarettes for breakfast, and they didn't really cut it.....smoke smoke smoke...

there are bars here that play nothing but friends or family guy or simpsons..

the power of the mind never ceases to amaze me. i've been spending time with kids from the slums of phnom penh, where they have absolutely nothing compared to what i have, and yet i find myself complaining about a bad hair day, where they can't seem to stop smiling. a truly moving, sobering experience.....

i'm in cambodia. i love this country.. it's so different to anything i've ever seen before, and it's beautiful. the people here, thirty years ago suffered so much despair. they had to go through so much, and yet they smile so much now. it's a truly inspiring thing to see. i realize that most of the people alive now were not alive during the khmer rouge genocide, but their parents were, and grandparents, if they're still alive, were. the faces of the old people (of which there are few), are dark, sad faces. they have known how horrible people can be to each other....
i spent a week staying on a tropical island off the south west coast of cambodia, and i've spent the rest of the last week living in phnom penh. i met a woman here who has been helping the street kids out as much as possible. a couple days ago she and i took 6kgs of rice to the slums for a few families that she knew needed it especially. we also took rice and banana sweets for the kids. the looks on their faces were priceless. so beautiful, they break your heart. i really like it here. i like helping these kids, spending my time and money doing something worth while..it feels right. i plan to come back someday, hopefully soon. i don't know when i will be able to though. i might come back in may....i have no idea. i just know that i am happy being here doing this.
i came over to asia because of a guy i met in fiji. he and i stayed together on the island i mentioned earlier. we weren't getting along as well as hoped, so i'm travelling on my own for the time being..it's going well so far, not that i've really travelled all that much since i left the island, really just the bus ride from the port to here. i met engi (sp?), the woman i'm helping, on our way down to phnom penh from the thai border almost two weeks ago. so when i got here i met her again only a couple hours later. so i can't really say i've been on my own all that much. but i'm not scared of being on my own now.
i have a sore throat, so i'm going to get some lozenges...i have so much to write everyday, and it's all in my notebook..when i have time i will write much more about this phenomenal country and the beautiful people in it...
xo

life is weird sometimes..i suppose there's nothing to do about it, but keep smiling :)